Monthly Archives: September 2018

I’m not going to eat what you give me

though you be
displeased
or offended

if it smells
or makes me gag
I won’t eat it

you may
argue its merits or
expound the virtue of its ingredients
or tell me that it’s good for me

you may apply guilt
or condescend

you may insist until
you slam the silverware
and rattle the plates
and terrify the others

you may take away
all other food
to starve me into submission

you may beat me sore
for eating something else

but I will sit
like a stone
while you threaten and curse
and shame
and shame
and shame me

because it is
my mouth
and it is
my stomach
and God himself
made me in charge of
what goes into it
not you

and when my will
so exasperates and vexes you that
you hit and choke me
you hold me down
and squeeze my jaws open
with your giant hands
and you
shove
that now cold food in my mouth
I will spit it back in your face
until you have made me
black and blue
and
when you force my jaws to move
and hold my mouth shut
and pinch my nose until
I swallow it and you finally
feel that you have won

I will gag and
I will vomit
until you are covered
with my bile
and you will know
that I am not yours

I have always known that you feel completely justified
I have heard you say that you were acting in my best interest
but your rage belied you
you did not love me
you did not care that I wanted to eat
but I just couldn’t
you never once listened
to why

you just hated me

in the end I suppose I might thank you, though

your cruelty was the greatest teacher in my life
I would never have guessed how many people
would want me to take into
my mind, my heart, my soul
what they gave me
without resistance

four decades later
I am not afraid

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